Judy Collins and the children will now trill for you

In case you doubt that the Internet is the greatest invention ever ever ever for realz, I found this song yesterday.

A fragment--a fragment, I tell you--of the lyric popped into my head. I Googled the fragment and . . .

Judy Collins and the Sesame Street kids were singing to me on the beach. She looks the perfect peasant hippie chick in this video---so cool that I can forgive her for mangling "Both Sides Now," which no one but Joni Mitchell should sing anyway.

MMMaybelline corn syrup kisses

Like smearing bathroom-deodorizer-scented corn syrup on your lips. Like the lip glosses of today, but far more viscous and sticky. Highly coveted by the 9-year-old set, though apparently marketed in an now-unnervingly  sexy way. I'm pretty sure none of us kissed anyone other than the family pets with this stuff on.

MMMaybelline Kissing Potion.

Summit candy bar?

In honor of Valentine's Day, I was thinking about chocolate. (I'm a chocoholic, so actually, there's not a day I don't think about chocolate.) But today I try to bring you a chocolate memory that's maybe not so obvious.

Here's a super obscure candy. Anyone remember the SUMMIT candy bar? It looks to be a KitKat with chopped peanuts on top. I do vaguely remember this one. The orange wrapper with the mountain logo is distinctive. Check out the commercial below.

Made by M&M Mars in the early 80s, it lasted just a few years before it was pulled, even after going through a reformulation that promised 30% more chocolate.

Another chocolate bar gone with the wind. Sigh.

Blip, blip, ohhhhhh BLIP!

So high tech. So groovy. So exciting.

I mean, look how the red LIGHT EMITTING DIODE (?) flits enticingly across the black screen. What fun to guess where it will land---1, 2, or 3---and send it back to your opponent!

Yes, I had one of these. High-tech for its time and now available for $30 on ebay. Blip, presented now for your memories.

Bing bong bang is Boomerang!

First, can they possibly sing this in a higher key? Dogs listen to this and go deaf.

Second, Marni Nixon, the host, really was in the movie version of The Sound of Music. She was one of the trilling nuns vexed by a problem like Maria. I think she was the nun who reminded everyone that Maria was a lamb!  Her voice was lovely, even in a kid's show. (And I love The Sound of Music, so quit smirking. Oh wait: if you were a smirker, you'd have given up on me long ago.)

Back to Boomerang, the kids' show of the 70s which featured...um...singing and lessons and kids playing. Apparently. I don't remember much more than the song! Please post and let me know if you remember more. I couldn't even really find clips of this one. I'm told it was local to Seattle?

In a land where the river runs free: you and me

Sometimes, I miss my childhood so much I could cry. This song is one of those times.

The Free to Be You and Me show was hosted by Marlo Thomas and featured everybody from Rosie Greer to Dustin Hoffman to Roberta Flack. The show, the songbook, the music, the memes---Free To Be You and Me was everywhere in the mid-70s. You couldn't escape it, even in school, where you had to watch it on film projectors. It was the rare stuff that felt teachy but not preachy. Also kind of edgy.

The show actually talked about gender (William Wants A Doll and Boy Meets Girl.) In 1974. Really. I remember being shocked that grown-ups would talk to us that frankly. Did the show break ground at the time, or did it just feel that way?

Michael Jackson, meanwhile, told us it was ok if we weren't pretty, that we didn't have to change at all (When I Grow Up.)  Didn't stop me from wanting blonde hair until I was in high school.

The opening theme is so cool. Is this merry-go-round in Central Park, or maybe Golden Gate Park?

ABC Afterschool Specials: the gold standard for bad

You may know that I'm a huge film buff, by which I mean a film snob. More on that on my professional blog, for those of you so inclined.

When I don't like a film because it's simple, pat, cheesy, or offers me too much of a lesson, I call it an ABC Afterschool Special. These specials really did air after school, and they always had a Lesson (initial cap intended.) My mom, of course, approved of these enriching and positive little vignettes. We, of course, hated them. This show tediously and heavy-handedly taught generation after generation of kids until 1995.

Kristy McNicholl seemed to be in a lot of these shows, as did Jodie Foster. And Robby Benson.

Sorry for the digression, but seriously--who knew Robby Benson was still really hot? (And still successful, as opposed to someone like Erin Moran?) Come to think of it, I think he's even hotter now. But then, I'm over 40 and so is he, so I would hope I would think that.

Sorry for rambling. And sorry to Erin Moran, who was a truly rad, beautiful Joanie Cunningham. I hope she finds a home.

How come nothing ever ate Marlin Perkins?

One of 70s childhood's most enduring questions is why Marlin Perkins never got eaten by any of the WILD animals that he cavorted with while co-host Jim Fowler whispered smugly from an undisclosed and actually safe location.

Because remember, a WILD thing eventually did kill that Australian guy, Steve Irwin, who was always fondling stingrays. Since Marlin Perkins passed away in 1986, maybe he and Steve Irwin are wrestling pythons in the afterworld. Wait. Are there snakes in the afterworld? Because that would be mean.

Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom has its own fanpage. Check it out to watch dramatic clips and even more dramatic music. Please note: WILD is in all caps because that is the word they SHOUT in the opening THEME. Also, speaking of mean, they are kind of mean to the animals in ways I don't like. Like jumping from a helicopter and tackling a poor, frightened elk. Please don't show that clip to Sarah Palin.

Happy Birthday to me!

In honor of my birthday (yes, it's today. Don't ask me how old I am, k? I'm getting to That Age when I might not tell you), I submit more of the birthday cards I saved from decades past.

Cute? Precious?

Yep.

Notice the quality of these pictures has increased dramatically, thanks to my wonderful boyfriend, who is also a photographer. Stay tuned for better pictures!

Old Seattle radio: KSEA

Like audio Valium, KSEA played background music by the Dentist's Office Singers. Great for when you couldn't sleep, it existed in the days before New Age, before Enya, before satellite radio and the Internet gave us a bajillion radio stations to choose from, all tailored Just For You. KSEA was as bland as background music could get.

This site is great for those of you who, like me, are obsessed with old Seattle minutiae. These people remember KUUU, KZAM, KXA, KJET, KYYX, even KING when KING played soft rock and more. I was too young to know what the "more" meant, but I loved that station anyway.

Sorry for the lack of visuals on this one for you Pinterest fans. Hey, we need a Pinterest for music...

Nerdy music and dolphins

My guy tells me that whatever traces of cool I might have once possessed while working in the music industry or riffing on obscure indie film are instantly banished when I talk about some of my exceedingly nerdy musical tastes.

Like Glen Campbell or The Carpenters. Both of whom are GOOD, I tell you.

Or here's a 70s reference for you: remember Jacques Cousteau? And the song John Denver wrote about his boat?  You don't remember? Take a listen above.

Nerdy? OK. But it's still better than Kanye West.

Dearly departed deliciousness: frozen Pepperidge Farm Boston Cream Pie

For the life of me, I can't find so much as a picture of these. I loved these frozen cakes so much that I asked for them to be my birthday cake on my ninth birthday. My mom would decorate them a bit with those tubes of decorator icing from the grocery store, top them with candles, and serve them just a bit frozen. The custard inside was just a bit icy.

Pepperidge Farm still makes frozen layer cakes, but according to their website, not of the Boston Cream variety. If someone has photos or memories of these cakes, do share!

Figurines are dearly departed revenge

Crispy and creme-filled, sweetened with God-knew-what, possibly contaminated with the same stimulants that AYDS candies were...

But they were swee-eet rev-enge!

Lick a lolly, Billy

Um, I want to blog about this. I really do. But this is a G-rated blog. I am a nice LBHG. Mostly.

I realize this was made for kids, plus it was made in a more innocent time. But I'm still creeped out when a grown man in a little boy outfit looks like he's having wayyyyy too much fun licking a giant lollipop. And I will stop there.

From the much loved The Electric Company, I offer you Billy and Molly and their really, really big lollies. Also, the song will stick in your head and rake over your nerves for hours.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled G-rated fun.

Get back in the kitchen, little girl

I'm not kidding when I say that this board game involved giving little girls household tasks to do. Really. That is all the game did. And yet somehow, I loved it. Note that it was called "Mother's Helper."

I'm gobsmacked by how sexist this is. The cards order the players to "Pick up toy in children's room upstairs" and "Mother wants the newspaper in the living room." Maybe this game was supposed to help create obedient little children running around the house doing chores. Or maybe the aim was more sinister and patriarchal. Or authoritarian. Or sadistic. I have no idea.

Can you imagine this selling at all today?

Thanks to Online Commons and The Strong for the image above.

Dearly departed: Snaks you can squeez

Please note that my headline is spelled correctly. Yes, it really was cheez product, and you could really squeez it from a squishy tube. And you thought Cheez Whiz was the beginning and end of pasteurized process cheese food product. Ohhhh, no. We had so many options for food-that-was-not-really-food in the 70s. Aren't you Millennials jealous, what with all your organic, all-natural, actual, real food?

This blasted onto my Facebook page randomly this week. I'd completely forgotten about it. Now I can't get the taste out of my head (kinda like Kraft Easy Cheese.) And I desperately want to squeez the cheez on some Chicken In a Biskit Crackers (also spelled wrong.)

Somewhat dearly departed: MilkShake candy bars

For the life of me, I can't remember what the MilkShake candy bar tasted like beyond it being a little like a Three Musketeers bar. But I remember liking it pretty well. Apparently there was a strawberry version as well.

So, remind me. Did it taste like a milkshake? From the description, it sounds like a superordinary, not-discontinued-but-still-tasty-and-available Milky Way bar.

Shooby doo lang lang

I woke up this morning with a memory of my mom singing The Carpenters. Yes, The Carpenters, that treacly, smiley duo who gave us the immortal (and by immortal I mean really, really awful) "Calling Occupants from Interplanetary Craft."

I don't remember my mom singing that, but she did use to sing "Yesterday Once More."  Some of my happiest car memories are of my super-cute, frosted-haired, mini-skirted mom singing to me in her little red 1968 Mustang. (The little red Mustang looked like this, for you car geeks.)

We played radio station KUUU 1590 AM Seattle as we tooled around in the 'Stang. The station has changed call letters several times over the years, and tragically, it's now a conservative talk station. But back then, it played stuff like The Carpenters. And like a cheesy family movie, we sang along. At least, Mom and I sang. I'm pretty sure Dad, being tone-deaf and rhythm-deficient, didn't sing, and my brother was just a baby in his (probably useless) car seat, waving his arms and smiling.

I'll now destroy any musical credibility I've had with you, my dear readers: I like The Carpenters. Karen's voice shimmered--don't tell me she couldn't sing. And she was a fellow LBHG, too. Give a listen and offer Karen's spirit some love.

*Beep* turn the page

Forgive me for the delay in posting. The LBHG has not-little injuries to both her Achilles tendons and is slowly rehabbing them so she can walk again.

Once upon 1974, a little brown-haired girl was playing storybook 45 rpm records on her orange Fisher-Price record player. *beep*

A beeping sound indicated when she should turn the page. *beep*

And she had many joyous times listening and reading and listening for the *beep*.

And she saw that this storybook record sells for $125, which made her happy. *beep*

And so she lived happily ever after until her Achilles made her cry.  *beep*

Weird 70s flip books

You already know how much I love 70s stylin'. Check out this book for a great example. Look at her hair!

You flip the pages up or down at the point of the spiral binder, so you can create lots of weird combinations of different pictures. Here's another flipped version.

Love how psychadelic and weird this is. Has anyone else saved one of these? I can't find examples of them anywhere.