Dearly departed deliciousness: Marathon candy bars

A Marathon bar was so huge, it felt like you were getting the biggest candy bar in the world. Two candy bars, even. Definitely more candy than your little brother, anyway.

This candy bar was so good, it even has its own Facebook fan group.

You already know how I feel about this kind of thing, but here’s a modern imitation, if you must, from the very cool folks at oldtimecandy.com

Stringy, chewy, teeth-coating caramel, offering itself in twirly abundance. But nevermore.

Speaking of memories, I bet you don't remember this game

Nobody remembers Worm Wrestle except me and my little brother. Please post and tell me if you remember it!

I can't say this game was anything other than weird and goofy. The worms spin around the miniature wrestling ring, propelled by contact with a rapidly spinning spindle in the center of the ring. (The metal spindle spun extremely fast; I'd be surprised if some kid didn't hurt himself by licking it or putting it in his nose. "Hey, let's play Booger Wrestle!") Meanwhile, if your chosen colored worm was the last one remaining in the ring, you'd win. Even for a kid's game, this required remarkably little skill and involvement.

Check out the commercial for it here.

Dearly departed deliciousness: Carnation Breakfast Bars

Dry and crumbly on the inside; sweet and chemical-tasting on the outside: Carnation Breakfast Bars, I miss you desperately.

Because vitamins were added to you, we believed you were healthy. Sugar and hydrogenated oils? Of course--but you were healthier than a candy bar or a Pop Tart, so Mom felt good about giving you to us. Why, you even had granola, which was the healthiest thing around because the hippies ate it.

If Carnation ever makes you again, o delicious, foil-wrapped, vitamin-packed, artificially tasty wonder, I'll be the first in line to buy you.

Memories I wish I had

I'm departing a bit here from my usual kid memories to talk about some adult-ish memories I wish I'd had. If you see this movie, you'll wish you remembered these bands, too: Cookin' Bag. Black and White Affair. Cold, Bold & Together. Soul Swingers. And if you remember these bands already, bless you.

I geek-freak out every year at the Seattle International Film Festival (which is why you haven't heard from me for a bit. I'm geeking until the festival ends.) I have big love for American indie film and even bigger love for documentaries. Throw in local Seattle music history and I'm bursting with fruit flavor at the mere thought. Enter Wheedle's Groove.

Wheedle's Groove tells the unsung story of Seattle's rhythm and blues/funk scene in the late 60s and early 70s--which would have been an interesting enough story for diehard music lovers. But the fact that many of these bands were such amazing talents--as good or better than their more-famous contemporaries--makes the story even more compelling. And the music? Um, it grooves like Sly and the Family Stone. Or maybe Earth Wind & Fire. Take a listen.

Why didn't any of these talented musicians and singers (save for Kenny G) become famous? Blame disco, racism, Seattle isolation, the rain, or something.

Last night's screening was attended by not only the director (Jennifer Maas) but also several of the musicians featured in the movie, many of whom now live ordinary lives in Seattle.

Oh, and that Wheedle thing? The Wheedle on the Needle was the Seattle Supersonics' early, hairily orange mascot.

I want bionic boobs

Not really. But a bionic, uh, head of hair would be great!

But seriously, Lindsey Wagner as The Bionic Woman was one of my idols growing up. (She was kinda like Marie Osmond, only with lighter hair and better tennis skills.) I loved that she was beautiful and athletic both. And smart.

I used to wear my hair much like Jamie Sommers' hair and I copied the way Lindsey ran one hand through it (her hair, not my hair),  in what I thought was a very cool, casually elegant gesture.

My favorite episode, which nearly made me pee my pants with fear, was "Doomsday is Tommorow." The Bionic Woman talks to a computer named ALEX 7000 who, in a very evil turn of events, tries to kill her with things like oxygen-eating foam. No, really--it's scary even today. Take a look at this clip. And how cute is her outfit, despite being in mortal danger while she tries to save the world from a doomsday device that will Kill Us All? It just wouldn't do to repair your bionic leg with an unattractive neckline!

I'm of two minds about the show as seen through adult eyes. The show sometimes is almost campy and scenery-chewy and at other times is genuinely interesting and well-done.

I've been waiting for The Bionic Woman on DVD for years. Now hulu.com has the first season available, which I've been enjoying. A lot. Hulu on my laptop is not quite the same as DVDs on my huge TV on a rainy Sunday while I'm drinking milkshakes and eating nachos, but Hulu will have to do until the DVD set is released, supposedly later this year.

Dearly departed deliciousness: Flicks candy

But wait, LBHG, you say. They still make Flicks, you say.

Alas, they make only a chocolate-flavored product in a tube that calls itself Flicks. But this product is not the Flicks of my childhood. Not the Flicks my grandma would buy me at Food Giant in West Seattle. Not the Flicks that slid out of their bright red tube directly into my mouth. Not the Girardelli Flicks made of real chocolate.

The original Flicks' wrapper is here at the geekily cool Candy Wrapper Museum.

Click if you must see the new Flicks. But I warned you.

I'm a Cancer, and my name is LBHG

This is going to come across as an inappropriate song for a child to remember. And really, this blog is about 70s kid memories, not 70s adult memories.

But I had this song on a K-Tel cassette tape. Even as a kid, I thought it was over the top silly. Today it comes across as two steps past creepy into funny.

If you don't remember it, you have to listen. You just have to. Click to hear the swoony, the romantic, the snigger-inducing Floaters with "Float On."

This song honestly contains the line "sharing your love with Larry." Swear to God.