ABC Afterschool Specials: the gold standard for bad

You may know that I'm a huge film buff, by which I mean a film snob. More on that on my professional blog, for those of you so inclined.

When I don't like a film because it's simple, pat, cheesy, or offers me too much of a lesson, I call it an ABC Afterschool Special. These specials really did air after school, and they always had a Lesson (initial cap intended.) My mom, of course, approved of these enriching and positive little vignettes. We, of course, hated them. This show tediously and heavy-handedly taught generation after generation of kids until 1995.

Kristy McNicholl seemed to be in a lot of these shows, as did Jodie Foster. And Robby Benson.

Sorry for the digression, but seriously--who knew Robby Benson was still really hot? (And still successful, as opposed to someone like Erin Moran?) Come to think of it, I think he's even hotter now. But then, I'm over 40 and so is he, so I would hope I would think that.

Sorry for rambling. And sorry to Erin Moran, who was a truly rad, beautiful Joanie Cunningham. I hope she finds a home.

How come nothing ever ate Marlin Perkins?

One of 70s childhood's most enduring questions is why Marlin Perkins never got eaten by any of the WILD animals that he cavorted with while co-host Jim Fowler whispered smugly from an undisclosed and actually safe location.

Because remember, a WILD thing eventually did kill that Australian guy, Steve Irwin, who was always fondling stingrays. Since Marlin Perkins passed away in 1986, maybe he and Steve Irwin are wrestling pythons in the afterworld. Wait. Are there snakes in the afterworld? Because that would be mean.

Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom has its own fanpage. Check it out to watch dramatic clips and even more dramatic music. Please note: WILD is in all caps because that is the word they SHOUT in the opening THEME. Also, speaking of mean, they are kind of mean to the animals in ways I don't like. Like jumping from a helicopter and tackling a poor, frightened elk. Please don't show that clip to Sarah Palin.

Happy Birthday to me!

In honor of my birthday (yes, it's today. Don't ask me how old I am, k? I'm getting to That Age when I might not tell you), I submit more of the birthday cards I saved from decades past.

Cute? Precious?

Yep.

Notice the quality of these pictures has increased dramatically, thanks to my wonderful boyfriend, who is also a photographer. Stay tuned for better pictures!

Old Seattle radio: KSEA

Like audio Valium, KSEA played background music by the Dentist's Office Singers. Great for when you couldn't sleep, it existed in the days before New Age, before Enya, before satellite radio and the Internet gave us a bajillion radio stations to choose from, all tailored Just For You. KSEA was as bland as background music could get.

This site is great for those of you who, like me, are obsessed with old Seattle minutiae. These people remember KUUU, KZAM, KXA, KJET, KYYX, even KING when KING played soft rock and more. I was too young to know what the "more" meant, but I loved that station anyway.

Sorry for the lack of visuals on this one for you Pinterest fans. Hey, we need a Pinterest for music...

Nerdy music and dolphins

My guy tells me that whatever traces of cool I might have once possessed while working in the music industry or riffing on obscure indie film are instantly banished when I talk about some of my exceedingly nerdy musical tastes.

Like Glen Campbell or The Carpenters. Both of whom are GOOD, I tell you.

Or here's a 70s reference for you: remember Jacques Cousteau? And the song John Denver wrote about his boat?  You don't remember? Take a listen above.

Nerdy? OK. But it's still better than Kanye West.

Dearly departed deliciousness: frozen Pepperidge Farm Boston Cream Pie

For the life of me, I can't find so much as a picture of these. I loved these frozen cakes so much that I asked for them to be my birthday cake on my ninth birthday. My mom would decorate them a bit with those tubes of decorator icing from the grocery store, top them with candles, and serve them just a bit frozen. The custard inside was just a bit icy.

Pepperidge Farm still makes frozen layer cakes, but according to their website, not of the Boston Cream variety. If someone has photos or memories of these cakes, do share!

Figurines are dearly departed revenge

Crispy and creme-filled, sweetened with God-knew-what, possibly contaminated with the same stimulants that AYDS candies were...

But they were swee-eet rev-enge!